Telemarketing #2

Schultz: Hello?

Second Telemarketer: May I speak with Mr. Schultz?

Schultz: That's me.

Second Telemarketer: Mr. Schultz, I have something to tell you about home owners and interest …

Schultz: (cutting her off) Everyone knows what homo's are interested in!

Second Telemarketer: I beg your pardon?

Schultz: Homo's are interested in sodomy and fellatio! [Note: this last is a paraphrase. I actually used "saltier" language.]

Second Telemarketer: (laughing) Oh, I didn't say "homo's" I said "home owners!"

Schultz: Oh — and you must be talking about interest like in mortgage rates!

Second Telemarketer: Yes!

Schultz: Oh, I won't talk about money: that's obscene! (hangs up)

Telemarketing #1

Mr. Schultz: Hello?

Telemarketer: Mr. Schultz?

Mr. Schultz: Yes?

Telemarketer: We're calling home owners like yourself …

Mr. Schultz: (Interrupting) Did you call me a homo?

Telemarketer: Sir? I said "home owners."

Mr. Schultz: (yelling) There you go again! Look, I've been married seventeen years! I got three kids! Where the hell do you get off calling me a homo?

Telemarketer: But I didn't …

Mr. Schultz: Are you on your knees?

Telemarketer: Sir?

Mr. Schultz: You shall address me from a kneeling position. Are you on your knees?

Telemarketer: No …

Mr. Schultz: I shall not put up with such insolence! (hangs up)

A Key Misunderstanding

Some years ago, when Pod-Man was about four or five, he was in a restaurant where the waitress made a dessert suggestion:

Waitress: Would you like to try the key-lime pie?

Pod-Man: Do you use real cats?

Waitress: Real cats?

Pod-Man: Yeah — in the feline pie.