14 December 2007

My Totally Gay Scarf

So, we were riding in the elevator back-stage at Lyric Opera. It was me, Bean-Girl, Pod-Man, and three or four members of the Lyric Chorus (at least two of whom were gay). I was wearing a new scarf that I had found around the house. It was one of those Yashmags (Palestinian scarves), it was blue, and I was wearing over my shoulders because it can get chilly just sitting around in that big house and I had forgotten to bring a sweater.

Bean-Girl: Dad?

Dutchman: Yeah?

Bean-Girl: That scarf is totally gay.

Well, that really put me on the spot now, didn't it? Having your daughter calling something "Totally Gay" in front of at least two homosexuals was awkward to say the least. I realized, however, that this was a "teachable moment" and I promptly replied:

Dutchman: Bean-girl, calling something "totally gay" marks you as narrow-minded and provincial. I don't ever want to hear you use that expression again.

Immediately, I could feel the tension lift, so I went on:

Dutchman: The word you are looking for is "homoerotic." You should have said, "Dad, that scarf is very homoerotic."

Pod-Man: Dad! The lumberjack boots are homoerotic, the black jeans are homoerotic, but the scarf is just totally gay!