28 September 1995

One Way?

So, I'm walking past Moody Bible Institute when this kid comes up to me. He's probably a new student there and has the idea that passers by are interested in his message about Jesus. (You get guys like that every September, when classes resume; by October they've learned their lesson.) So he comes up to me ...

Evangelist: Jesus is the road to Heaven!

Dutchman: I-55 is the road to Joliet.

Evangelist: No, no! There's only one way to Heaven!

Dutchman: Yeah? Well there's lots of ways to Joliet.

15 March 1995

Now You Know

Wife-Mate’s little four-year-old nephew was over for the afternoon and had been left in my care. The kid never seemed to have an answer or an opinion about anything, answering every question “I don’t know.” Just to test to see if he had any thoughts of his own, I asked ...

Dutchman: What’s your favorite food?

Nephew: I don’t know.

Dutchman: Well, let’s go look it up!

So I took him to the kitchen and pulled out the phone book. He couldn’t read, so he had no idea that I was just making this up. After much earnest flipping of the pages, pretending to look for his name, I announced ...

Dutchman: Ah, there it is! Says your favorite food is pizza!

Nephew: Really? What else does it say?

Dutchman: Says that your favorite sport is basketball, and that your favorite movie is “Citizen Kane.”

Nephew: But, I’ve never seen “Citizen Kane.”

Dutchman: Well, young man, you’re in for a treat! It’s your favorite!

A week later I found out that my sister-in-law had been complaining to Wife-Mate. It seems that I had putt some fool notion about “Citizen Kane” being her son’s favorite movie into his head, and now he was pestering her to let him see it.