One Story: Two Versions

Dutch-man Version:

So, I'm in the bedroom, ironing a shirt, when Bean-Girl comes in, throws herself on the bed, and asks —

Bean-Girl: Why isn't Mister Rogers' Neighborhood on TV anymore?

Dutchman (Not looking at her, busy ironing the shirt): Because Fred Rogers is dead.

Bean-Girl: Well, they could show re-runs.

Dutchman: Not after how he died.

Bean-Girl: Why, how did he die?

Dutchman: Shot to death in a motel in Jersey City …

Bean-Girl: Really?

Dutchman: Yeah, he was coked out of his mind, beatin' some ho' with a golf club, yellin' "You're not my neighbor!" when the pimp broke in and shot him dead with a Glock. Emptied the whole clip into him, too.

Bean-Girl (sobbing): Really?

Dutchman (turns around, sees how upset she is): No! Fred Rogers was a happily married Presbyterian minister. He died at home, in bed, surrounded by his family, after a short illness!

Bean-Girl (running from the room, sobbing wildly): I don't believe you!

Bean-girl Version:

So, Dad is in the bedroom about to Iron a shirt when he yells "Hey Bean! Give me some company while I iron a shirt!" I walk in and commence to glare at him.

Bean-Girl: (Looking to annoy him) Hey, Old man, Why isn't Mister Rogers' Neighborhood on TV anymore? They show re-runs of other shows!

Dutchman: (trying to pull one on me) Because he is dead... D-E-D!!

Bean-Girl: They could show re-runs... they do on every other show?

Dutchman: Not how he died.

Bean-Girl: (sarcastically) Why how did he die?

Dutchman: (turns around looking grim) He was shot to death in a motel in Jersey City... (turns back around)

Bean-Girl: Yeah Right!

Dutchman: Yeah, he was coked out of his mind, beatin' some ho' with a golf club, yellin' "You're not my neighbor!" when the pimp broke in and shot him dead. Emptied the whole clip into him, too.

Bean-Girl: *cough cough*

Dutchman: (quickly, turns around to try to pretend to care) No! Fred Rogers was a happily married Presbyterian minister. He died at home, in bed, surrounded by his family and friends, after a short illness!

Bean-Girl: suuuuurrrreeee

The Truth? You decide!

Shana Tova!

So it’s Friday, 18 August, 2009, and I’m walking down Franklin Street, when this guy in a really big black hat comes up to me and says:

Guy In Black Hat: “Shana Tova!”

Dutchman: “Sorry, I don’t speak Spanish.”

Guy In Black Hat: “Why do you think that’s Spanish?”

Dutchman: “Because you’re wearing the sombrero!”

Separated at Birth?

Be a LUG!

This program is amazing! These videos make it so that it's just like you're there! Excep, of course, that we were at home, not in an office, and I would never wear a ball-cap like that, and I'm a good deal taller than pumpkin, and, I guess, a few other things as well ...

Heaven or Joliet: Your Choice!

An actual incident that happened to me in the quad at Moody Bible Incident.
This animation is so real — it's like you're there!

Separated at Birth?

Out of the closet at last!

Though Mommy pleads for him to stay (even offering to meet his "special needs"), Daddy has come out as a fisting bottom and has resolved to live his life for himself from now on. "I'm going to live with my soul-mate," Daddy says tearfully as he loads up the last of his luggage, "Sergent Snorkel!"