23 November 2009

One Story: Two Versions

Dutch-man Version:

So, I'm in the bedroom, ironing a shirt, when Bean-Girl comes in, throws herself on the bed, and asks —

Bean-Girl: Why isn't Mister Rogers' Neighborhood on TV anymore?

Dutchman (Not looking at her, busy ironing the shirt): Because Fred Rogers is dead.

Bean-Girl: Well, they could show re-runs.

Dutchman: Not after how he died.

Bean-Girl: Why, how did he die?

Dutchman: Shot to death in a motel in Jersey City …

Bean-Girl: Really?

Dutchman: Yeah, he was coked out of his mind, beatin' some ho' with a golf club, yellin' "You're not my neighbor!" when the pimp broke in and shot him dead with a Glock. Emptied the whole clip into him, too.

Bean-Girl (sobbing): Really?

Dutchman (turns around, sees how upset she is): No! Fred Rogers was a happily married Presbyterian minister. He died at home, in bed, surrounded by his family, after a short illness!

Bean-Girl (running from the room, sobbing wildly): I don't believe you!

Bean-girl Version:

So, Dad is in the bedroom about to Iron a shirt when he yells "Hey Bean! Give me some company while I iron a shirt!" I walk in and commence to glare at him.

Bean-Girl: (Looking to annoy him) Hey, Old man, Why isn't Mister Rogers' Neighborhood on TV anymore? They show re-runs of other shows!

Dutchman: (trying to pull one on me) Because he is dead... D-E-D!!

Bean-Girl:
They could show re-runs... they do on every other show?

Dutchman: Not how he died.

Bean-Girl:
(sarcastically) Why how did he die?

Dutchman: (turns around looking grim) He was shot to death in a motel in Jersey City... (turns back around)

Bean-Girl:
Yeah Right!

Dutchman: Yeah, he was coked out of his mind, beatin' some ho' with a golf club, yellin' "You're not my neighbor!" when the pimp broke in and shot him dead. Emptied the whole clip into him, too.

Bean-Girl:
*cough cough*

Dutchman: (quickly, turns around to try to pretend to care) No! Fred Rogers was a happily married Presbyterian minister. He died at home, in bed, surrounded by his family and friends, after a short illness!

Bean-Girl:
suuuuurrrreeee

The Truth? You decide!

1 comment:

C. Willingham said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! That is hilarious!