04 December 1999

Spreading Christmas Cheer

Wife-mate and I were downtown and deiced to have lunch at Marshal Field’s cafeteria. So we headed for an elevator up. In the elevator already were two middle-aged white women and a very tall black woman. I could tell immediately that the older women were there for their annual trip to have lunch in the Walnut Room right next to the justifiably famous three-story Christmas tree. Their mothers had probably taken them on just such a trip back in the 1950’s and now, even though they lived someplace like Schaumburg, they would drive downtown (despite the risk!), park as near to Field’s as possible (just to be safe!), and have their lunch, careful to leave the city before sundown. The black woman, on the other hand, was a transvestite. I suspected from the height, checked and saw the man sized shoes and the recent shave.

The transvestite got off on four and, as we began to ride up to seven, I commented:

Dutchman: Hey, he almost passed, didn’t he?

First Lady: Pardon?

Dutchman: Oh, that was no lady, that was a man. You can tell from the big shoes and close shave.

First Lady: Really?

Second Lady: Oh, I just don’t know why a person would do a thing like that.

Dutchman: Yeah, I don’t know either. I mean — unless you were going to dress up as a nurse.

First Lady: A nurse?

Dutchman: Yeah! Then you would have that white dress, and those white stockings with the lines down the back, and the white shoes that go squeak-squeak-squeak as you walk down the hallway, and the white starched linen hat ...

Wife-Mate (interrupting): You’re not giving me an enema!

Dutchman (stomping his foot): Damn!

So the elevator got to seven and we stepped out and headed for the cafeteria. I looked back and didn’t see the two ladies leave the elevator even though this was their floor. I’ll bet the went right back down and headed home to Schaumburg.

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